Thinking is Hard With a Chronic Illness (An Example)

This happened recently and I have to complain about it. I think it’s a great example of how my brain sometimes struggles to do some pretty basic things; not sure if I should blame my probable ADD, my brain fog, or my faulty memory— maybe it’s a combo of all three. Hopefully you can relate a little to this story. Let me know if you do, so I feel a lil less silly.

I have been on the same morning med since I was in middle school, and that was fine when I had a very rigid school schedule. It became a part of my routine to take it before school. But when I went away to college and I didn’t have as rigid of a schedule, I found myself frequently forgetting to take it.

Well, I didn’t fully forget. It just wasn’t something I could make happen. My sleep schedule fluctuates so I didn’t have a routine— I still kind of don’t. I would remember that I needed to take my med, but if I was in the middle of doing something like making coffee I’d tell myself that I’d do it later… and then forget. Rinse and repeat until I’d eventually decide that it’s too late in the day to take it anyways. Or I’d remember right when I was headed out the door, long past when I was supposed to take it.

And, yes, some days I never even thought to take it.

I tried setting alarms and reminders but I’d get used to them and start ignoring them. I’d try putting my meds near the coffee maker, but then I got so used to seeing the bottle that it stopped serving as a reminder. I tried stickers and post it reminders and even made my Echo verbally remind me. But none of that worked.

Then, one night as I was taking my evening medications, it occurred to me that I never forget to take my evening meds. Because one of those meds is a sleep aid. Because the end of my day ends pretty much the same way every day. Because the last place I go before bed is into the bathroom to brush my teeth, brush my hair, do my skincare, etc and that’s where my meds are.

Why, I wondered in that moment, couldn’t I just take my morning med in the evening?

You can see how much I struggled to remember to take that morning med and I think that says a lot about how poorly my brain works. But what is a better example, I think, is the fact that I took my morning med (a pretty important medication in the management of my mental health) inconsistently for like seven years because it never occurred to me to just ask my psychiatrist if I could take it at night.

“This might sound silly,” I told my psychiatrist. It was only our second meeting; I’d switched to someone local to Boston, since I think I’ll be living here for a while. “I can’t remember to take my morning med. Can I take it at night?”

“I see no reason why not.”

It was that freaking simple. Seriously. It was maybe ten seconds of the half hour appointment. And I could waste time thinking about how many years I spent trying to force myself to remember to take this medication, and failing, and having to deal with SSRI withdrawals for a few days at a time when all I had to do to fix it is change this one little thing. But, instead, I’m just going to enjoy not having to worry about it anymore.

Let me know if you can relate to any of this lol.